Thursday Rewind: Beastie Boys' 'License to Ill' (The Prison Tape)
The Beastie Boys, prison tapes, and making work fun.
It’s Thursday morning! Every Thursday I put on a cassette from my collection and share the memories, stories, moments, and excitement associated with each tape. Let’s rewind!
Morale had reached a new low at our former mundane electronics retail gig. Each day had become the same song looping over and over: literally. The Musak system and the speaker demos played the damn same songs every shift, and it was enough to make your head melt into corporate mush. Customers had become increasingly more intolerable, managers had become jaded in their new high-ranking middle management positions, and the multimillion-dollar retail chain (that shall go unnamed) was moving away from its promise of putting people before profits, forgetting that if people are happy, their pockets will still be filled. And this was all before the pandemic.
Management saw the disinterest and the lack of motivation in employees and knew something had to be done. I’m sure they could see it in our faces. One of the managers, Jason, a kind, funny dude, who everyone liked, was sent on a task to improve morale. Our general manager gave Jason a budget and sent him on his journey to find the right fix for our store.
Meanwhile, my friend Dillon and I were milling about in our empty department, trying to find things to do, when Jason approached us. “What can I do to make your experience better here?”
Dillon and I looked at each other. “What?” we asked.
“The GM gave me a budget to find out what would make everyone’s work experience better. So, what can I get for you that would make your lives easier?”
We looked at each other again in our ridiculous duplicate polos. Now, before I tell you what we asked for, keep in mind that we were hipster doofuses. We loved music, cassettes, and records, arguing about our favorite albums, movies, and whatever else we could think of. We also loved a good bit. On slow days, we would often create these elaborate jokes, stories, or pop culture imitations to pass the time. So, when we were asked what would make our lives better at work, we were not going to pass up the opportunity to ask for something obnoxious.
I turned away from Dillon and looked Jason in the eye. “We want Beastie Boys’ License to Ill on cassette.”
Dillon smirked. “And we want the cassette player boombox we sell to sit at our computer station,” he added.
Jason just stared for a few moments with an eyebrow raised. I figured he regretted even asking us, but then he said, “I'll see what I can do.” We nodded our heads and he walked away. We laughed about what songs we’d blare at the desk if we got the cassette and did our best Beastie impressions until the end of our shift. A day later, we forgot all about our outlandish request. There was no way company money would be spent to buy two morons a cassette (widely known as outdated in the era of streaming) for them to listen to at work.
A week later, Jason approached us again in the exact same spot we were before. He held out his hand, and in his palm was a sealed cassette in a clear jewel case. “Wait. What is that?” I asked.
“It’s the cassette you guys asked for,” he replied. We couldn’t believe it.
"License to Ill? You got it?”
“Yeah. It’s what you guys wanted, right?”
“Yes! Yes!” Dillon and I exclaimed. But we were slightly confused. “Why is it clear?”
“It’s the prison tape,” Jason said straight-faced.
“THE WHAT?!”
Prison tapes were hip-hop cassettes developed for correctional facilities to give to prisoners. They contain no screws and are transparent for the safety of inmates. The tapes allowed prisoners to listen to their favorite hip-hop albums and enjoy the music they may have grown up with while they served their time. It’s hard not to imagine one of these individuals serving their time, putting on a tape, and being reminded of a warm memory from home.
Dillon and I were dumbstruck. Jason handed over the cassette, and we ripped into the seal almost right away. “Oh, by the way,” Jason interjected. “You guys can store-use the cassette player boombox. Have fun.” Then he went on his way. We could not believe he used company money from this lame corporation to buy a cassette. No. A PRISON CASSETTE of License to Ill to play while we were at work. We set up the cassette player, popped the Beastie Boys classic into the tray, and the madness began.
We head banged to the Led Zeppelin sampled 'Rhymin’ and Stealin.’ We strutted around to the scratch-heavy ‘Posse in Effect.” We fast-forwarded through ‘Girls.’ We sang along to anthems ‘Fight for Your Right’ and ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn.’ But the goofy, western odyssey ‘Paul Revere’ was our theme song. I can still hear us yelling across the store, “HERE’S A LITTLE STORY I GOT TO TELL…”
‘Paul Revere’ tells a fictional origin story of how the Beastie Boys (Ad-Rock, MCA, and Mike D) met. Ad-Rock is riding his “horsey,” “Paul Revere,” when he comes across MCA armed with a shotgun. The two engage in a classic Western draw when MCA makes it clear, he runs “the land.” The two come to an agreement and decide to ride together. Down the road, the two outlaws rest at a saloon where “The beat was a-bumping, and the girlies was hot.” To their surprise, a loner at the bar, known as Mike D, attempts a stick-up. The other two Beasties join in, grab the loot, and the three run off down the dusty road together. The rest is history.
While the Beastie Boys’ Western tale is not true, it does tell us something about “the three bad brothers” we know so well: they are dorks enjoying a good bit. If you read their wildly entertaining book or their Apple TV+ documentary, you would know they were three New York punks who loved music and were playing around with this new thing called hip-hop. The record sounds like they recorded it in their bedroom at 3 am, with no intention of anyone else hearing it. So, why does it still resonate with so many people? Take it from two goofballs dressed in corporate polos; it sounds like best friends passing the time.
Fantastically nostalgic and masterfully written, Taj. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and this album was a huge part of my adolescence, too. Lots of good memories.